Tom Sharpe by Wilt

Author:Wilt
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: Humorous Stories, England, Mystery & Detective, Wilt, Henry (Fictitious character), Satire, Modern fiction, Fiction, College stories, College teachers, Fiction:Humour, General
ISBN: 9780099435488
Publisher: Random House
Published: 1972-09-30T03:00:00+00:00

Chapter 12

On Eel Stretch–Gaskell’s map-reading had misled him and they were nowhere near Frogwater Reach or Fen Broad–the situation was getting on everyone’s nerves. Gaskell’s attempts to mend the engine had had the opposite effect. The cockpit was flooded with fuel and it was difficult to walk on deck without slipping.

‘Jesus, G, anyone would think to look at you that this was a goddam oil rig,’ said Sally.

‘It was that fucking fuel line,’ said Gaskell, ‘I couldn’t get it back on.’

‘Say why try starting the motor with it off?’

‘To see if it was blocked.’

‘So now you know. What you going to do about it? Sit here till the food runs out? You’ve gotta think of something.’

‘Why me? Why don’t you come up with something?’

‘If you were any sort of a man…’

‘Shit,’ said Gaskell. ‘The voice of the liberated woman. Comes the crunch and all of a sudden I’ve got to be a man. What’s up with you, man-woman? You want us off here, you do it. Don’t ask me to be a man, uppercase M, in an emergency. I’ve forgotten how.’

‘There must be some way of getting help,’ said Sally.

‘Oh sure. You just go up top and take a crowsnest at the scenery. All you’ll get is a beanfeast of bullrushes.’ Saly climbed on top of the cabin and scanned the horizon. It was thirty feet away and consisted of an expanse of reeds.

‘There’s something over there looks like a church tower,’ she said. Gaskell climbed up beside her.

‘It is a church tower. So what?’

‘So if we flashed a light or something someone might see it,’

‘Brilliant. A highly populated place like the top of a church tower there’s bound to be people just wanting for us to flash a light.’

‘Couldn’t we burn something?’ said Sally. ‘Somebody would see the smoke and…’

‘You crazy? You start burning anything with all that fuel oil floating around they’ll see something all right. Like as exploding cruiser with bodies.’

‘We could fill a can with oil and put it over the side and float it away before lighting it.’

‘And set the seedbeds on fire? What the hell do you want? A fucking holocaust?’

‘G baby, you’re just being unhelpful.’

‘I’m using my brains is all,’ said Gaskell. ‘You keep coming up with ‘bright ideas like that you’re going to land us in a worse mess than we’re in already.’

I don’t see why,’ said Sally.

‘I’ll tell you why,’ said Gaskell, ‘because you went and stole this fucking Hesperus. That’s why.’

‘I didn’t steal it. I…’

‘You tell the fuzz that. Just tell them. You start setting fire to reedbeds and they’ll be all over us asking questions. Like whose boat this is and how come you’re sailing someone else’s cruiser…So we got to get out of here without publicity.’

It started to rain.

‘That’s all we need. Rain,’ said Gaskell. Sally went down into the cabin where Eva was tidying up after lunch. ‘God, G’s hopeless. First he lands us on a mudbank in the middle of nowhere, then he gefucks the motor but good and now he says be doesn’t know what to do.

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